I’ve been here before – bleary-eyed both from a lack of sleep and from the tears – staring a blank doc.
I don’t know what to write. Heck, I don’t know what to say.
What do you say? What can I add that is profound? Insightful?
I’m heartbroken, lost, saddened, confused, angry.
Thank God my kids aren’t old enough to have any idea what is going on. But I know that my time is limited. It’s only a few more years until my sweet, sensitive Miles will wonder what those people on television are crying about. Mommy and daddy whispering about the news and passing our phones back and forth to show each other the latest updates probably won’t go unnoticed much longer. “What does it mean when they say 50 are killed,” he’ll ask. “What’s a casualty mommy?”
And it’s only a matter of time until these tragedies are forced upon him; he’ll still be way too young and innocent. He’ll have to endure mass shooting drills at school. Hear kids talk about guns and shootings. See violence on television and in video games.
At four and one there’s still so much my boys haven’t been exposed to. And in many ways I’m that “overprotective crazy” mom. I don’t let him have toy guns. I don’t let him “play shoot.” He doesn’t play video games. He’s still into “Paw Patrol” and knows very little of more “big boy” real-life action shows or movies.
I’m not looking to engage in a battle on gun control. Or politics. Or religion. I’m doing the exact opposite.
I don’t know the answer. But so badly, every atom of my being needs us to find an answer, a solution so my boys don’t have to live in a world where I have to answer these terrifying questions, explain the unexplainable. I think the last thing that will get us there, to this solution, is being divided, screaming at each other, debating and being hateful.
I’m sure I’m being sunshine and rainbows, “hippie-dippie idealistic” but I don’t know where else to go. Let’s be kind. Let’s love everyone. Can that just be the start?